my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
