Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sober January is a disaster.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
