So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
