Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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