She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
