Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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