the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
