in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
