so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
