My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
