when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think i have two assholes
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
