U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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