I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
