I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
