My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
