grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
