Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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