obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
