So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just google imaged poop.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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