I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
