The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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