i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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