i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
