If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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