3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
