Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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