Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
