3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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