my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
