i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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