I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
