Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
