I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
