I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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