Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
