I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
