Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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