Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
