Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
