The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
