Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize