sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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