New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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