do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
