Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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