If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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