i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
