yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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