i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
