Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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