Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
