I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
