I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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