xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
