i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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