i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
