please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
