So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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