it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
