why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
