i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
