she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
