Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
