It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So much Jack, so little girl.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
