guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
