No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
