first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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