You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
foreskin is a definite game changer
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
