Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
