Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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