I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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