when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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