I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
