We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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